growing up

we always think that we are young because we act young. we dont feel the years go by because hey! wat difference does it make if ur 20 or 21 rite?oh ya u get to vote.big deal. anyway,it takes smth to make us realise that we arent children anymore. that we are grown up adults responsible for our own actions. that it is time for us to start making a mark on the world.to start contributing smth of value to society besides the population count. for me it was entering university. it made me realise that im now an undergrad.dat im really in uni ady. no longer in sec sch where we hafto wear uniforms and follow strict rules. not that uni got no rules bt in uni we have a bigger room to breath ma. moving to malacca has taught me to grow up too. taught me independence that cant be learnt no matter how i try by living close to home. it came wid a big price tho. everytime i come home and return to malacca i get very homesick for at least a week. it sucks.big time.but wat ye gonna do? suck it up lor.....

anyway,up til last year my life has been pretty blessed. y i suddenly say dat?cos no one has really left me. up until i was 19 the only people who passed away were both my grandpas and my greatgrandma. one of my grandpa died when i was 2months old. he remembers me bt i dont. he seemed like a really great guy n i regret not getting to noe him but i cant miss wat i never had. my other grandpa died when i was abt....std2. i vaguely knew him only bcos he was never home much. only come home in the wee hours to sleep n left the house really early.even cny i rarely see him. i dont have much memories from that period of my life so...again it doesnt affect me much. my great grandma was around for much longer. i remember her. i see her everyday. unfortunately she hadnt been well for a very long time ady. she cudnt talk or move eversince i cud remember. she was jz sumone in the house.so when she died i was sad bt in my mind she has gone to a better place. lying bedridden unable to speak or do anything isnt really living out ur golden years in comfort

after that no one died ady and i was quite ignorant of that aspect of life. death was just something that happens to other people's lives. not mine. i sympathise bt dats abt it.until last year.

it was very unexpected. its not even somebody that i see in everyday in real life. bt at one point i saw him online everyday. its somebody i met online while playing online games. he was a v nice dude. we had a lot of laughs n good times together. his death was unexpected. again i felt his lost because i know that ill never speak to him again, never listen to his crap n his witty comebacks anymore.after the initial shock i was okay ady

then see khoons dad came as a shock too. i was in school rushing for my projects last minute things when i got the msg from tri. i was soo stunned i just dropped everything and sat there for a moment. a car accident. such a simple common thing.bt the result is one of the most terrible thing in the world. i suddenly had the urge to hug my dad. to make sure that he is okay. that he hasnt been involved in anything that might take him away.i called him immediately. of all the times he didnt pick up his hp tis was one of them. it scared the shit outta me. dozens of horrible images went thru my head, each ,more gruesome than the other. finally he called me back. i cudnt be more relieved. to lose my dad when i havent even had a chance to repay him.....it wud b like if i got robbed.

when i found out that heath ledger died i was devastated. trhem being superstars u dont really think of them as mere mortals. they seem to be able to do wonderful things, make u feel various emotions thru their craft and...it blows me away whenever i watch or read smth extraordinary. he was sooo young, so handsome when he passed away. i was smitten by him since the first time i saw him in A Knights Tale.to waste such a talented pretty face over drugs is....a crime against mankind haha.


then last week i got the shocking news abt pn Ong's daughter. i dont know her personally bt ive met her once in sch. she came looking for her mum. seems like a very pleasant gal. im not affected personally bt it did came as a shock.to think of a mother having to bury ur own daughter....its so sad. makes me wana cry. so real....so scary.

todays CNY eve.happy times. yet y am i talking abt the sad side of life?
because i just received another shocking news. one of my juniors was in New Zealand. there u are allowed to drive once u hit 16yrs old. he was driving wid 2 frens when he crashed into another car.he died on the spot n his frens died on d way to the hospital.this is somebody i know. somebody i once gave advice to. a fren.he was in my daily life. we werent close bt still....hes only 16. so young.

when i was given this piece of news it made me realise: im not a kid anymore.ive grown up. i cant be fooling ard anymore.it doesnt mean im gonna start to b boring n serious all the time bt i gotta start making my life mean smth ady i guess. life isnt jz abt waking up, go to sch n try to score. i gotta....start acting like an adult. dat kinda scares me.

last nite i had a all-girls nite out dinnering at mizi's. it reminded me of old times where we sit ard n bitch abt those who werent around(haha) and joking ard having a ball taking pics. as we are bitching i suddenly realise that all of us are really goin on our own path. there were 10 of us and none of us were doin the same thing. 10 ppl,10 diff paths. soon all of us will be moved to diff parts of the globe ady.....wow
wow wow wow

im an adult now. haha
age has ntg to do wid growing up.