Life's like that.....

Its the weekend!

all week i have been looking forward to the weekend. that was what kept me going all weeek. the vision of the whole house empty,just for me, everything to my whim and fancy, with 100mbs streamyx to my disposal. think of all the downloads.....no one to care about. no consideration needed. i feel like blasting my music, i just do it. i want to cook, i just do. i want to eat crap,i just do. whatever i want to do, i just do it. theres not a soul around to be mindful around. fuck politeness and manners. its so....liberating. my responsibility for 2.5days is just to eat,sleep,online and my 4 assignments. maybe take the initiative to start revision. thats it. no appointments to keep. no obligations to honour. this weekend is ALL about me!

yet i keep pining for someone. i crave company. why is our own company not enough? alone time is all i wanted but when i get it i get bored after half a day. what is it about us human that just cant live alone????

from time to time i need to indulge myself in selfishness. i spend all day trying to please others its tiring. gotta complete this assignment for this lecturer. that lecturer want us all to do that. my friends want to do this project this time. we need to leave at this time. its all so.... i feel suffocated. not that i dont enjoy doing all of them. i love my friends. they are a good bunch of people. i just need balance. i used to have my own room. indulge everybodys whim during the day and indulge my own at night. theres balance. but i havent had my own room in a long time. hopefully when i move out next semester i will have my own room. if i dont...i wudnt know where to get my alone time already. we all need alone time. time to unwind. time to sort out our thought. time to recollect ourselves. time to clear our head to make room for new bullshit. alone time. havent been getting that in awhile ady and its driving me crazy. this weekend was suppose to be my alone time weekend. the break i have been looking for. but.... now that i have it, all i want is my darling. my comforter. my hug pillow. shucks.

WHY CANT WE JUST ENJOY OUR OWN COMPANY???????

loneliness sucks. its the worst feeling. its not even a real emotion.
loneliness is just another word for pathethic. i think little of people who cant enjoy their own company. those who can never eat alone. those who can never watch a movie in a cinema alone. those who must have a friend to do a thing together. like join an activity. who wouldve thought that someday i cant handle my own company too? sigh. im pathethic.