My First Post

It has been a long time coming.

I've finally decided to return to the blogging world after a hiatus of I think almost a year, if not more.

I still remembered my first post on Blogger was about my friend Wong Ka Pau getting together with Shirley Tsen (oops, I hope this doesn't bring back bad memories ok guys? If it does... megaoops). After that I wrote about a lot of things, mostly about my life here in UTeM for the first semester, as well as the six months before I entered university.

On my second semester, something tragic happened, and I decided that, along with the fact that I've come to look blogging as fulfilling a narcissistic need, compelled me to delete my blog off from blogger. The only thing I regret was not saving a copy on my hard drive for posterity. It was such a silly thing to do and I advise people to not repeat my mistake. Save it! No matter if you think what you have written is utter crap. At least it's YOUR crap. =)

I'm in my third semester now, and I guess in a sort of prophetic way, I've returned to blogging mainly because I've found someone in my life now, and one who blogs as well, although admittedly not as much as me, I think. Anyway I hope that she will be posting more entries about her thoughts here, cos I know some things are easier to convey with fingers tapping than mouths yammering.

I don't feel any emotions right now. I'm just sitting here, waiting for the time to pass. I realize that lately I've been doing that a lot. I remembered Einstein made a joke about his theory of relativity. He said, "Time is relative. For example, time seems to shrink and distort with I'm sitting on a hot stove with the gas turned on, but time stretches and disperses when I'm with a hot girl". I think I'm in that phase now.

And that got me thinking, what happens when I'm sitting on a hot stove with a hot girl right in front of me? What are the relative distortions of time then? Does it speed up or slow down or does the effect cancel out alltogether? I'm not sure, but I'm very sure that occupying these thoughts in my head seems to make time pass faster.

Have you ever tried looking into a pocket of wind? I did, when I was a kid. I used to sit next to the petrol station (along with hundreds of other people) after school while waiting for the school bus to fetch me home. The wait is horrible. The weather is scorching hot, there's not much wind (so much for The Land Below the Wind.) and the fumes of petrol are everywhere. It really does make time stretch out to infinity, because you experience every drop of sweat, every molecule of pollution and every neuron of frustration.

Then the wind would gust.

And then, due to the complexity of fluid mechanics and thermodynamics, pockets of air would form. Imagine a tornado, like the one in the uncreatively titled movie Tornado, and shrink it down to the size of your arm. So this pocket of air would move around, sometimes for a long time, before dispersing. And I would sit and stare into this pocket of swirling dust and leaves, mesmerized by the interplay of wind, something you cannot see or touch but can feel, with the very real and very solid dust and leaves. And that fascinated me.

And when I look into your eyes, that's exactly what I see sometimes. The swirl of your iris, buoyed by the formlessness of your emotions. And every time, I am mesmerized, unable to speak, worried that the slightest words will break the fragility of nothingness.

That's how I feel, and I've never been able to tell you, because I don't know how. But I hope you know now.