Old Movies

Some of my best,er, soul searching or self discovery often if not always happens at the most inconvenient times. Its always when im cramming for a paper. Probably because that's when Im the most bored haha.

Lately i have been watching alot of old movies. it is because all the new ones are horrible waste of my time. Old movies usually make you think. The phantom of the opera was one of my fave classics. okay i didnt watch the play. i watched the movie which was only 4 years ago but its story is an old one. Very well written.

In the movie, the Phantom, despite giving up the girl to the young viscount, never really left her. When she died sum 40 years later, he was STILL around, looking after her, in his own creepy stalking way. Sweet, but creepy. It got me thinking, why didnt he give her up? She was happily with another guy. It must be bloody painful to watch the love of your life happy with another guy, kissing him, and.... you know what. He is a really good spy so i dont think a simple door at the bedroom is going to keep him out.

He must really love her to actually watch over her for 40 years. 24/7
Yet it must hurt like hell to just watch. Surely a very BIG heart too to not rip the hubby's head off. The phantom doesnt think twice to kill so.... that mustve required alot from him. The girl has NO idea about all these sacrifices that the phantom does. So he has no other reason to do it besides love. really, deep love.

It got me thinking, how would i react should my.... should the love of my life move on like that and i am forced to watch it daily? i couldn't imagine it simply because i have no ex.
As usual, this is where i get silly and my daydreaming gets out of control. i started to imagine that ive, well, broken up. 10 years later, im single, having a nice brunch by myself with a book at my favourite eating place. Sounds like something i would do. Done it before actually. All alone. Then my ex shows up. Happen to be walking pass me with his gf......or wife. Then my imagination ran away and... suddenly im depressed. lol
really,truly depressed!
lol

NOW there is really no mood to cram software engineering into my head now, is there? lol

so i kinda realized, you cant really... move on. If you loved the person once, and nothing happened to take away that love, then you dont really move on. Im talking about me by the way. I cant safely talk about everyone but most people, save those who end things really badly, always has that look of longing or... regret whenever they take a moment to think about their ex. The fondness never really goes away.

From that thought, i digressed into thinking about this particular friend of mine who, is stuck in the past and cant get out of it. People who are stuck in the past are never really joining us here in the present. Since they are half in half out, they tend to screw up the present. I guess when something unbelievable happens in your life that is unexpected, you deal with it with a little bit of delusions. Pretending as if everything is okay.... might help making things okay. Reality is all about perception anyway.

Delusion, up to a certain level, is healthy. I think if mankind didnt have delusions, we would all be mad. Some level of delusions are needed in this crazy world we live in. I mean, God is a delusion. Thinking that there IS someone with power somewhere among the clouds is looking down on our tiny earth is making sure that our lives are in order, is delusional. If i met God one day, i would pull his ears. i would demand to know why innocent people are tortured. Why babies are born after 9 hard months on the mothers part just to be destined to die 2 days later. or during labour. why drive the parents crazy like that. I would demand to know why he did nothing while lunatics drive this world mad. Why its not the good people who prosper but those who are evil enough to run over others for worldly gains that do. How can anyone with so much compassionate and wisdom let these thugs and evils get away? What more if you are God. Are you telling me that you created this world and all this is INTENDED???

Sorry, im not buying it.

I flew back from penang to malacca the other day. Malacca dont have an airport yet so i flew to KLIA. I was writing a blog about it but halfway through i was just too tired. Basically it was a bad trip but all wasnt lost. i will now write the bit that i wanted to blog in the first place. The first time i flew on an airplane was when i was 12. i dont remember much. There wasnt much to remember because i was in the middle of the plane and half the time i had a terrible pain in my head. my ears. its as if someone had put pins in my ear and no amount of my walkman volume could make it go away. i decided then and there i hated flying. The return trip wasnt any better. Last week was the third time i flew. i hoped that the experience would be different. i was alone this time and now im older. the experience was very different. i was a very very dumb noob lol. like a deer caught in a headlight. but i manage to fumble through. had a window seat this time. right by the plane's wing. Omg it was awesome. i was so amazed at the science of an airplane.

i never quite got the concept so i decided to watch the wings as we take flight. it was amazing. i never took my eyes off the scenery and the wing from the moment we started moving until we stopped moving.

The pain in my ear came back though. It was the air pressure on decend. So everytime the plane dropped, my ears scream. I swear they were bleeding. But no blood haha. If i was a Christian, and i wanted to convince my child that there are angels and heaven, i would only need to take her on a plane. Have you ever been among the clouds on a beautiful sunny day?

Its breath taking. So beautiful. I caught myself thinking that if there is a heaven, THIS would be it. I imagined myself as an angel, louging among the clouds, having an afternoon nap.
It was so pretty i was so sad to decend. Then i was really sad and in pain. lol

For a long time, i cant decide if humans were really at the bottom of the food chain, or the top. i still cant

Having the ability to think is amazing. A wonderful gift. But i dont think we made it that way. Most of us dont use the capacity of the thinking function. ALL of us only use thinking as a means to get our selfish wishes. Usually evil.

All animals are based on the natural selection method. Strongest live. Best ones survived. only the best genes spread. Not us though. We have medicine to help the weak live. Oh things like ability to fix a broken hand is good la. Because its positive feedback. Giving the blind good eye is great! We are helping each other out. But things like.... Giving a heart disease patient a bypass is ... well of course im human so i agree that its one of the miracles of medicine. but if you look at it from the natural selection view, you are giving that man a way to continue to live. he has the heart problem genetics and you are allowing him to breed, to pass it down to his offsprings. All the genetically related diseases, can be, WILL be passed down to the next generations. There's a reason only the strongest live. There's a reason why nature is that way. Cruel, but its a necessity. So, from that point of view, i say we are more backwards than the animal kingdom. We keep the weak around and the stupid to fuck up our world!

Our world is slowly dying from all the bullshit we dump on it. We are its cancer. Its no surprise once in awhile, it fights back!

Another thing is that animals are smart. They find places that gives them the best chances to live and make a life there. If its not working, pack up! We are moving. But humans! oh no! nonono. Unhabitable you say? Well, i will just create something to make it habitable! Grow a plant in the moon to breed oxygen. Sell air conditioners all over the world to make it cooler. Migrate certain crops to certain places to make more money. Hey mother nature can go fly kite. I know better. It doesnt matter that the world has been around for 5billion years. Im smarter!

Thats why the world is ending. We are its cancer. Sad to say, when the world comes to an end, we all deserve it. Many people believe in the greater powers as God. i believe in repurcussions.

And i think, humans arent the smartest beings in the world despite having the ability to think.What use is an ability when we dont use it?